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Frequently Asked Questions
What are Attachment Styles and what is so important about them? Everyone has an Attachment Style, that is formed in our early childhood relationships with our first caregivers, when we develop our initial beliefs, thoughts and feelings about what relationships mean, how they impact us in terms of meeting our needs -and predict with uncanny accuracy how we will engage in relationships when we are adults. This internal understanding of relationships is 95% subconscious. Later relationships after childhood, particularly romantic or love relationships that are long and intense can also revise our Attachment Styles. Our Attachment Styles are important because they can continue to influence [read: preserve in self-perpetuating immature states] our thoughts, feelings and behaviors in relationships well into adulthood -maybe for life. When the Attachment Style beliefs we developed in childhood become outdated in adulthood, the old and outdated childhood beliefs can continue to influence us in the present in a ghost-like way to haunt our thoughts, emotions and behaviors in adulthood, and can essentially create havoc and disconnection.
How do they affect me specifically and my relationships? Many people are not conscious of how they project the same beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from their early life relationship experiences --that may not have advanced since childhood-- onto their love relationships in adulthood. When a client identifies concrete examples of how deeply these early life relationship experiences influence their current relationship, they can have a rather eye opening and "smell the coffee" moment that often creates an immediate desire and motivation for advancement toward a secure Attachment Style.
How can I identify mine? The quiz on this website is a basic assessment tool for determining Attachment Style, although "self-reporting" beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviors has its limitations. Otherwise, many people have attributes from more than one style, and may have other unique attributes and relationship dynamic complexities that are better assessed by a qualified coach or therapist, who has specialized training in addressing Attachment Styles at both the conscious and subconscious levels.
How can I use the Attachment Pathway to help me upgrade my unique relationship(s)? While there are four distinct Attachment Styles, most people have a combination of styles -thus there are more than four ways that they affect our relationships to ourselves and others. The Attachment Pathway is comprised of a well-tested and proven system of methods and practices that includes a) one-on-one coaching over three to six months, sometimes longer, combined with b) small group work that forms a safe, relational container; and c) guided independent study --because only you can consciously change your Attachment Style.
How can I find an attachment coach to help guide me and clarify the concrete steps that I need to take, and skills I need to build to have an "earned secure" Attachment Style? Melissa Stone, PhD is a certified Integrated Attachment Coach. She is the founder and principal of the Attachment Pathway. She brings a system of attachment healing knowledge and a robust toolbox of methods for supporting clients with each of the insecure Attachment Styles, and combinations thereof. The objective of individual coaching plus small group interactions and independent study is to enable each private client to gain new understanding, knowledge, skills and practices that comprise a secure Attachment Style.
How does Melissa help you earn Secure Attachment with a Hybrid Intensive Format? Because Attachment Styles reveal themselves in response to others and over time, Melissa uses a hybrid intensive format comprised of 10 sessions over three months, plus self-study. If you do the work, you will get results! What is the work? Each member of the group first attends a gratis 50-minute Discovery session with Melissa to ensure that the Intensive format is suitable for their unique needs and situation. Selected participants sign up for the intensive format, which brings together a small group of up to 15 participants with a variety of attachment styles. This specially selected group is led by Melissa through six two-hour sessions of intentionally "working together" on their key attachment issues through learning new skills, and engaging in interactions with others in the group using proven methods of earning secure attachment. The small group sessions are complimented by a series of four private one-on-one coaching sessions with Melissa, and guided self-exploration independent study between the group and private sessions. The dates and format of the currently open Intensive Pathway to Secure Attachment is shown below. For more personalized information, click here to sign up for a gratis 50-minute Discovery session with Melissa.
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