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Frequently Asked Questions
What are Attachment Styles and what is so important about them? Attachment Styles are formed in our relationships with our first caregivers, when we develop our initial beliefs, thoughts and feelings about what relationships mean, how they impact us and how we need to engage in them. This internal understanding of love relationships is 95% subconscious. Later love relationships that are long and intense can also revise our Attachment Styles. They are important because our beliefs about relationships that first developed in early life can continue to influence [read: preserve in self-perpetuating immature states] our thoughts, feelings and behaviors in relationships well into adulthood. These outdated beliefs can wreck havoc in our personal lives without us realizing consciously what we need to update, that is, until we learn about our Attachment Styles.
​How do they affect me specifically and my relationships? Many people are not conscious of how they project the same beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from their early life relationship experiences --that may not have advanced since childhood-- onto their love relationships in adulthood. When a client identifies concrete examples of how deeply these early life relationship experiences influence their current relationship, they can have a rather eye opening and "smell the coffee" moment that often creates an immediate desire and motivation for advancement toward a secure Attachment Style.
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How can I identify mine? The quiz on this website is a basic assessment tool for determining Attachment Style, although "self-reporting" beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviors has its limitations. Otherwise, many people have attributes from more than one style, and may have other unique attributes and relationship dynamic complexities that are better assessed by a qualified coach or therapist, who has specialized training in addressing Attachment Styles at both the conscious and subconscious levels.
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How can I use the Attachment Pathway to help me upgrade my unique relationship(s)? While there are four distinct Attachment Styles, most people have a combination of styles, thus there are far more ways that they affect our relationships to ourselves and others. The Attachment Pathway is comprised of a well-tested system of methods and practices that includes one-on-one coaching over three to six months, sometimes longer, combined with independent study --because only you can consciously change your Attachment Style.​
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How can I find an attachment coach to help guide me and clarify the concrete steps that I need to take, and skills I need to build to have an "earned secure" Attachment Style? Melissa Stone, PhD is a certified Integrated Attachment Coach. She is the founder and principal of the Attachment Pathway. She brings a proven system of knowledge and a robust toolbox of methods for supporting clients with each of the insecure Attachment Styles. The objective of individual coaching plus independent study is to enable each private client to gain new understanding, knowledge, skills and practices that comprise a secure Attachment Style.
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